The paper will reflect on the book The Conscious Parent, by Shefali Tsabary Ph.D. First, three chapters will be critically and reflectively analyzed through three different viewpoints. To add, my parent’s, a future parent myself, and as a future, Social Worker viewpoints would be examined. In conclusion, The Conscious Parent will be applied to the concept of Multigenerational Transmission Process.
The Conscious Parent is an informational book. It helps parents or guardians to understand how parenting a child can be difficult, but a fulfilling time. The book helps caregivers understand how body, mind, and spirit impact themselves and their child throughout the chapters. This can be sometimes difficult for parents to do so because of the Multigenerational Transmission Process. Many parents/ caregivers use their past childhood experiences that can be presented that towards their children in a negative way.
As a social work major, we focus on the Bio-Psycho-Cultural-Spiritual Model. For example, we had to a case study that required the students to apply this model in a GIM paper. I feel that the “spiritual” domain is not very touched on. This domain might be difficult for social workers to touch on because everyone believes in different spiritual means or do not know how to relate to their client. Although, this should not be the reason why it is neglected when working with clients. Social Workers have to be able to work with a diverse set of clients. By talking about a client’s spiritual views and/or religious practices it can bring a lot of benefits. This can give a client a sense of hope or encouragement regarding situations they might be in. Also, religion can be a big influence on a social worker’s client. For example, a religious institution can be a support system that your client might have.
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While growing up, children need to be exposed to authenticity and containment. Authenticity for a child represents that they will have a strong to their inner self. With containment, a child is given the ability to have empathy towards someone.
A Child Can’t Soar Without Containment. In this section, there is a family that gets examined. The parents have a hard time disciplining their children because of their past history growing up in their families. The mother of this family grew up with a very demanding mother. The father has a hard time expressing his feelings since his household when he was young discouraged this. The emotions that the mother and father have created an impact on their children. The children have a hard time with discipline. According to The Conscious Parent, “Teaching our children how to appropriately contain their authenticity and manage their emotions is essential”(pg. 217). Parents should be in touch with their emotions when they start implicated discipline to their children. Egos should not get in the way.
Don’t Avoid Conflict-Value It. Conflict will always occur between caregiver and child. It is how you handle it with your children that can nurture growth as a caregiver and with the child. In the book, it highlighted that parents tend to use their ego when a conflict occurs. This makes parents internalize their child’s behavior.
Heavy-Handed Tactics Backfire. There are some parents that believe in using corporal punishment towards their children. This is not an easy fix to a problem. When children experience corporal punishment, they become more nervous to come to their parents. They are very nervous about how their parents would react that they are more likely to lie to their parents about a situation because of the harsh punishment they could receive.
Chapter 16: How To Handle Your Child’s Mistakes. Mistakes are a very natural thing no matter a person’s age. Children are expected to make mistakes. They should not have to worry about the repercussions that come from mistakes. They should not have to worry about being “perfect”. Mistakes should be a learning experience as a caregiver and child.
Do You Really Know Why They Did What They Did?. Parents need to be in touch with how they react when a child has made a mistake. When a parent uses shame-inducing statements, a child can feel that they are being judged. The parent would sometimes not fully understand what has happened in a situation that a child feels that they made a mistake. As stated in The Conscious Parent, “If our children turn their sense of helplessness inward, they are likely to retreat into a shell, internalizing the belief that they are “bad”. (pg.208) Violence can occur when a parent does not understand their child. When this occurs, children will begin to have a level of disempowerment which can impact the parent-child dynamic.
Celebrating Your Child’s Mistakes. As a caregiver, you must reassure the child that it is okay to have mistakes happen. They should never be nervous to confess any mistakes. There should always be an open communication between a caregiver and child. By having an open communication policy, a child will feel comfortable expressing themselves. When fear is not apart of making mistakes, children can fully understand the lesson they will learn from making a mistake.
How You Can Transform Mistakes Into Spiritual Gold. Children are always modeling how their caregivers react and show their emotions. Caregivers can use this a beneficial skill to imprint on their children. Children need to understand that mistakes can happen and it is a natural occurrence and it is about how you react. Referenced by The Conscious Parent, “If we then reprimand or punish them, we not only miss an opportunity to show how a mistake can be the gateway to higher consciousness, but we also set them up to become angry, even violent” (pg. 208). Parents should change their frame of mind by focusing on the positives or good-intentions that a child was trying to do before a mistake had occurred.
Chapter 9: The Insanity of Parenthood. As a caregiver, you should be in touch with your emotional, psychological, and spiritual connections. Although, this may be a hard thing to do for many caregivers to do. They have to be fully committed to themselves and the child that they end up raising. Their life will begin to change once you have a new child enter your life. This event can be very difficult since it is something new that they will have never experienced before.
Particular Role Of The Mother. Mothers can hold a special bond with their children compared to a father might have. This can especially occur if the mother has carried the child for 9 months. In The Conscious Parent, “This is one reason mothers are often invested in their children in ways that fathers aren’t” (pg.119). Another reason is that a mother is more likely to take on the role as a stay at home mom. The mother then tends to receive extra stress since they are consistently in charge of the household.
Raising A Child Is An Invitation To Surrender To A Different Pace. A recent topic that has been occurring in each chapter is how a caregiver should react to their child. When children make mistakes it is always best to remain patient with them. As a caregiver, you should be able to reign in your feelings and emotions before confronting and disciplining a child. A quote in The Conscious Parent, “The development of patience is more than a necessary response to our children; it’s an opportunity to surrender to the present moment” (pg.122). A caregiver needs to be able to take control of how they feel to create a balance when stress arises.
Point of Views. I will use the above sections to reflect on my upbringing, the future of myself as a caregiver, and lastly as a Social Work professional working with a diverse clientele. Each section will touch on my opinion in each category. I will also incorporate ideas and thoughts from The Conscious Parent that may have previously been mentioned from the above sections.
Parent’s/caregiver’s Child. When my parents were together they had different parenting styles. I feel that this could have been a representation of how they were disciplined when they were growing up. There were some touches of corporal punishment that was implicated into my childhood. I do feel that this has impacted me now as an adult.
As an adult, I feel that my mom and I have this close connection. Majority of the time, I am able to openly communicate with her. I love this ability because I feel that I am able to express my feelings to her. She is someone I can trust when I make mistakes and to help me find solutions.
Future Caregiver. I feel that I will have an open relationship with my children. I would like them to be able to feel comfortable to express themselves with me. I want them to come to me when they make mistakes instead of hiding it from me.
Regarding corporal punishment, I do not believe in it. There are many research studies that say that using corporal punishment might stop the problem at that moment, but it has more negative effects on children in the future. My children should never have that fear and anxiety that comes with being punished in this way.
Future Social Worker. I will be working with a very diverse group of clients as a future Social Worker. I have to be accepting of different cultural expectations that families might have compared to myself. I would want to educate them on how to properly discipline their child. This will decrease stress for the caregiver and the child. As a Social Worker, it is also my job to concisely be updated with information that I can pass on to parents that run into issues.
There were many lessons that I learned through the book The Conscious Parent. It allowed me to reflect on my childhood and how I would be in the future. These lessons can be applied to the multigenerational transmission process(MTP) which is the Bowen Theory. The MTP is a representation of how information is passed through many generations. The information then gets portrayed through how a person’s mood, attitudes, and actions.
According to The Multigenerational Transmission Process(Bowen Theory), “A key implication of the multigenerational concept is that the roots of the most severe human problems as well as of the highest levels of human adaptation are generations deep. The multigenerational transmission process not only programs the levels of ‘self’ people develop, but it also programs how people interact with others” (Bowen Center for the Study of the Family, 2018). By being a future caregiver and Social Worker, we have to understand that each generational can be a reflection on who we are. This does not mean that we are not able to learn positive ways to guide a child. Education is a big part in learning these techniques and improving oneself such as learning how to being patient or having an open communication policy with clients and children.
References
- Tsabary, S. (2014). The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves Empowering our Children. London: Yellow Kite.
- Bowen Center. (n.d.). Multigenerational Transmission Process. Retrieved November 11, 2018, from http://thebowencenter.org/theory/eight-concepts/
