All my life I was labeled as a “Big Girl”, because I was tall with broad shoulders and of course heavy set for my age. I have always had nice features about myself such as long-hair, big hips, and a gorgeous yellow face. Plus, I always had an intriguing personality that would attract my peers. Walking down the cold white halls of school I was without a doubt recognized as a handful of defining attributes. Trying to play it cool even though I knew there was all eyes on me. Back then how could I blame them for starring when I was weighing almost 200 pounds.
I don’t generally compose or talk about being a big kid much. Having the feeling of being on a diet all of your life. Being an overweight child harmed me at that point and having been an overweight child some of the time harms me now. In any case, it occurred. As far as I can recollect, I was overwhelming. The greater part of my life was spent being overweight. My weight was never a subject that was often talked about by my family. It was occasionally referenced specifically to me. I know a few people who make their kids fantastically mindful that they are overweight. Always conversing with them about it, tallying calories, concealing bites, you know. Each family and circumstance are extraordinary. I don’t know what might have been more regrettable, having my body be excessively examined by my family or them tip toeing around it the manner in which they did. I don’t comprehend what the principal situation would have been similar to, yet I do realize that since it was some timey event it really bruised when it was said. Particularly when I was a young girl and still happy, I knew that there was an “issue with me”.
The first occasion when I understood I was unique (perused: fat) was a result of my in-law grandmother. It was around the age of 7 or 8. I recall her taking me upstairs and having me get on the scale. She attempted to urge me to get in shape by offering cash as motivation to lose some weight. I also recall there being a determined quantity of sit-ups I were to do to get the financial reward whenever I got on the scale. That technique didn’t last long as soon as I told my mom why I didn’t want to go over there anymore.
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I felt this was something my cousins presumably didn’t need to do. I realized that despite the fact that they were younger than me, I was being left out as a result of my size. Despite the fact that I can’t recollect memories of the explicit discussions about this, I do recall how depraved it made me feel. At this specific time in my life was the first time I felt embarrassed about myself and like I expected to change. I don’t hate my grandma for the things that she did. I know now that she had good intentions for what she did. She didn’t want to see me grow up and live in fear of what people think or say to me. We have grown closer through the years and all is forgiven.
In grade school I would dependably race to be the first on the school bus after school or for field trips with the goal of getting on the bus first. I didn’t want to bump or touch anyone as I walked down the small aisle. I was intensely mindful of my size, even at this very young age. I cherished and anticipated the days that I got a ride home from school by my grandma (in law). It implied that I would get the opportunity to avoid the shame of getting on the school bus and the horrifying times on the bus I spent attempting to shrivel my body, embracing my book bag and pressing my thighs to abstain from coming in contact with the individual sitting by me.
I was ashamed to walk in front of a large group of people. Taking short steps to hold my thighs together to keep the extra embarrassing thigh fat from being exposed. I walked like that for so long, it just became a habit. But don’t get me wrong, even though I was bigger than most and a little insecure, I was still popular around school. Everyone knew me because of my many different talents. My very first active sport that I joined was the cheerleading team. It was always a lot of pressure because I was the only plus sized one on the team. But my skills took the place for all those catty remarks they used to say about me. I was loud, energetic, and had the jump of the team due to my long and flexible legs. In my head I was invincible. Nobody could tell me what I could or couldn’t do.
