The relationship between parents and their children can be deteriorated due to a lack of proper communication. Some people think that conflict often arises when parents think that they know what is best for their children who often have a different thought. However, I think that if we can communicate with our parents in a correct way, we can maintain a strong relationship with them. The purpose of this paper is to show the importance of creating effective communication when we have conflicts with our parents, in order to improve our relationship.
I am the only child in my family. Therefore, my parents care about me very much, especially my studies. My parents think that they have prepared the best for me. When I was studying in primary school, I was assigned different extracurricular activities, such as Kumon Studies, playing piano, choir and International Mathematical Olympiad etc. I conformed to my parents’ advices though I felt pressure in attending these activities.
Later on, when I progressed to senior forms in secondary school, my academic achievement started declining. My mum gave me some advices, “My dear, you should attend some tutorial classes to further improve your academic knowledge, examination skills and techniques.” I agreed with her suggestion at that moment.
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However, my mum applied all the tutorial classes for me for the seven subjects that I would take in DSE, including basic and elite courses. To me, it is a painful experience. Everyday, I needed to rush to the tutorial classes after my normal study in school. I spent a lot of time in travelling. I was exhausted after attending the tutorial classes. I didn’t find the tutorial classes effective and beneficial to me. Moreover, some tutorial classes were arranged in “video” format, no interaction was involved.
I didn’t express my feelings to my parents because of their high expectation on me. As DSE was approaching, the situation was getting worse and I felt great pressure on my studies. I wanted to escape from the current situation. I blamed my mum for her excessive requirements. My secondary school teacher was aware of this and encouraged me to talk to my parents as “Better late than never”.
Finally, I had an open and honest communication with my parents. I expressed my opinion on the effectiveness of the tutorial classes. I said, “I prefer to study on my own during the term break before DSE, my school teachers will support me if I have any problems on the study. What I need to do now is to revise and keep in mind those materials that I have already learned. I don’t want to waste time to attend the tutorial classes as it doesn’t help me a lot.” To my surprise, my mum replied, “I am glad that you take responsibility on your study. Do your best and don’t worry about the DSE result.” Although my examination result in DSE is not satisfactory, my parents give full support to me on my further studies.
From the above case, I note that my parents’ behaviour is in “parent-self” type. They are subjective and nurturing parents. They care about me very much and prepare everything for me. They think that attending tutorial classes are the best way to raise my academic level.
On the other hand, my behaviour is in “Child-self” type in the initial stage. As I am the only child in my family, I always conform to my parents’ advices. Although the tutorial classes are not beneficial to me, I keep on attending these classes because I know that my parents have high expectation on me.
The problem is that families often stop communicating because it is easier to ignore an issue than to have a conversation about it. My parents think that they have already prepared the best for me and ignored my feeling. I am also unable to express my feeling and opinion at the right time.
Fortunately, with the encouragement from my secondary school teacher, I talk to my parents about my situation and thought. My behaviour changes from “Child-self” type to “Adult-self” type. I am able to think and determine action for myself. I have an open and honest communication with my parents. I express my own feeling and objective opinions. I would rather have more self-study time and more practices on the past examination paper than to attend the tutorial classes. At last, my parents support my decision.
By changing my behaviour from “Child-self” type to “Adult-self” type, I express my feeling and thought in a frank and direct way. On the other hand, my parents change their behaviour from “Parent-self” type to “Adult-self” type. As such, we have an open and effective communication. When parents communicate effectively with their children, they are showing them respect. Children feel that they are heard and understood by their parents, which can build up self-esteem.
In conclusion, it is important to work on achieving effective communication with your parents to maintain a strong relationship with them.
