My western cultural upbringing leaves me with a biased perspective on love and relationships. Raised in catholic school, one man- one woman relationships were the only model I understood until long after puberty. The idea of monogamy was highly represented; our religion classes seemed to skim right over Abraham’s concubines and second wives. Well I am able to understand and respect the different types of relationships in this diverse world; my feelings towards monogamy are still generally closed minded.
If we lived in a perfect world, we would be able to love and respect who we want equally and freely, however it doesn’t always work this way. For polygyny to work effectively all parties involved should be consensual. The hardest barrier that polygyny is forced to overcome is balance. When I say balance I am referring to the respect each member or a polygynous relationship has for the other.
In Nisa’s case for example, the balance was easily through off when Tashay attempted to add a second wife to their relationship. (1981) Nisa and Tashay’s respect for each other was not at a balanced state. If Nisa had consented to the addition of Tiknay the respect would have been equal between the pair. Since Nisa strongly objected to the addition Tasnay’s actions could be seen as disrespectful. If both parties are happy about the addition of another husband or wife, there is a greater chance that love and respect will be spread more appropriately among everyone in the relationship. Unfortunately human relationships are not typically that black and white.
127 our experts are availableright now
This concept is repeated in the relationship between Nisa’s father and mother. When Nisa’s father Gau, is caught by his footprints, her mother, Chuko is extremely upset. Chuko is upset because he is seeking out another woman, but also because he was sneaky about it. (1981)
It’s important to note, that while polygyny can be hard on one or both partners there are cases in which it works out well for everyone involved. Mutual contributions to the relationship and a desire to keep the peace are common denominators in the success of these relationships. One example of a positive relationship is the example Shostack gives of two sisters in a polygamous lifestyle. One sister explains that she is happy to share her husband with her sister because it provides her peace of mind and they work well together. (1981)
The idea that non westernized relationships can be successful is echoed in this week’s optional reading on walking marriages. The Mosuo people practice a different type of relationship that involves mostly around sexuality. This type of relationship may be more successful because it has no social or economic obligations. (2000) each member of the relationship has specified duties, the mother raises any children that are a result of the relationship, the mothers brother is responsible for being a father figure to the children.
Polygynous and walking marriages can be effective and lasting relationships. The key to any good relationship is mutual respect and care for the other people involved. Sharing spouses and sexual partners can easily cause problems. I can see why it may be beneficial for some to pursue these types of relationships, but I think I will continue to stick with what I know.
