Our relationship began in 1989 as involuntary child parent relationship now that she has embarked upon early adulthood, our relationship has evolved into a voluntary, reciprocal friendship that is a solid interpersonal relationship. We see one another two adults that love and support each other and are each other’s strongest ally. Being raised in a familial circle where I learned that most people were not to be trusted I really never had a large circle of friends.
I therefore adopted the method of expelling either literally or emotionally, anyone from my life that hurt or angered me. This however, did absolutely nothing to help me grow concerning shaping healthy, positive relationships I became aware that I had transferred some of this belief onto my daughter. Prior to her leaving for college I became increasingly anxious and went into overdrive mode with my helicopter mom regiment.
My daughter was a respectful young lady, but deep down she was showing the signs of a festering passive aggressiveness, and rightfully so. She was a young lady, a student leader, an early scholarship recipient and adored by all her teachers. I eventually asked myself why. My past failing to appreciate that healthy relationships only enhance your life, not erode, had affected my relationship with my daughter. after that very adult statement of hers.
The concepts of human communication will serve to further strengthen this precious interpersonal relationship.In the continuous journey of growth, I become more aware of intrapersonal and interpersonal communication, which respectively are self-talk and speaking with another person. I can now use the skills of active listening and people oriented listening instead of self-serving bias in order to appear to be right.
Research states that “Interpersonal communication research and theory address a wide array of topics, especially five major themes: meaning that is cocreated during interaction, quality of relationships, social conflict, accuracy of people’s understanding of one another, and communication planning and competence. Uncertainty reduction is a central motive to interpersonal communication because people make substantial efforts to gain and share information to understand one another as well as themselves.” Heath, R. L., & Bryant, J. (2000). I can also use internal attribution instead of jumping to conclusions.
My daughter like myself could improve upon communication by eliminating self-serving bias, this is misrepresenting what is being spoken by another. She also would benefit from eliminating avoidance from her communication repertoire she and I both would benefit further from her changing from the avoidance style of conflict resolution by replacing that with collaborating.
The conflict resolution form of collaborating, is the win win instead of the loose loose concept of communications. Empathetic listening is to be respectful of the dignity of others. Empathetic listening is caring about and a love of the wisdom to be found in others no matter who they are, in short valuing other opinions and thoughts we both can improve in this area.
Language in India shares “The goal of empathetic listening is to really hear the other person, to begin to see things as he or she sees them, rather than looking at what he or she is saying only from your point of view.” Sayeekumar, M. (2013).I have a tendency to lower my voice and show great displeasure with my non-verbal communications when I am very upset. I can improve on Vocalics which includes the vocal qualities that go along with verbal messages, such as pitch, volume, rate, voice inflection and body language, tone and non-verbal facial expressions.
My daughter is a professional, a department director for a major educational institution in Atlanta while pursuing a PhD. Which can be upsetting since I can’t see her as often as I would like. I believe we can achieve better communication if I make an external attribution regarding her, by acknowledging that my daughter has major accountabilities, we can spend more time together in less than a year.
By using collaborating, she can show a high degree of concern for self and others. The Human Communication Theory and Research states “To resolve conflict, people may employ collaborative decision making, compromise, competition, accommodation, and avoidance. Collaborative decision-making entails identifying and solving the mutual problem that has led to the conflict.” Heath & Bryant (2000).
Unlike me when my daughter is upset her tone reached a very high pitch, clearly a minimum of three octaves higher. She may improve upon her nonverbal communications and facial expressions, voice infliction and voice tone. She can also incorporate external attribution as part of her communication skills as well as vocalics just I stated I could above.
When my daughter finished her undergrad degree, she was offered a position in Chicago, IL. I had not yet accepted that this was now a capable young adult. I ranted and raved about her going to Chicago. She put me in my place and said “Mom, I’m going and you should be proud not upset!” To my shock and dismay, she left two days later and we were both upset. If I could change something about that situation I would have been more supportive and let my daughter feel great about her accomplishment.
If she should have an opportunity that takes her out of state again I will use haptics to show friendship-warmth, love-intimacy and comfort her by holding her in my arms to show support. It is written in The Family Journal that “daughters relationships with mothers were positively related to self-esteem, suggesting that communication patterns between mothers and daughters have an influence on self-concept.” Thomas, A. J, & King, C. T. (2007).