Table of Contents
Person Described
Avery is a 24-year-old female who just recently graduated college, where she majored in social work. Her biggest passion in life is helping people, specifically children. Avery comes from a family that consists of her mother, father, two older brothers, and a younger sister. Growing up, her mother stayed home to take care of her and her siblings while her father worked full time as a police officer. Her parents raised her and her siblings to believe in the Christian faith, which they believed very strongly in.
They went to church on a regular basis and prayer was common in the household. Growing up in a family that was very faith oriented, there was a lot of charitable work that was done. Avery went on many mission trips with her siblings to other countries. On one particular mission trip, Avery and her father took a day trip to visit a local orphanage and bring them supplies and spend the day with them. Avery was so moved and inspired by this experience that it fueled her desire to become a social worker and help kids in orphanages and foster homes all over the world. Also, her family would volunteer a couple times a month at different shelters or other organizations. They lived in a fairly suburban neighborhood that was family based so there were always other children to play with. Avery was very close to her whole family, but she was especially a daddy’s girl. When she was younger, she loved going on adventures with her dad and just spending time with him in general. She was more of a tomboy while her sister was more of a girly girl, therefore they each gravitated to each of the parents in different ways. It was hard for Avery to go away to college considering how close she was to her family, but luckily the school she picked was only a couple hours away. In general, Avery and her family lived a financially comfortable life where the two most important things to them were family and faith.
Loss Described
A few days after Avery’s graduation ceremony, she got a call from her mother that her father was killed while on the job. Avery was absolutely shocked and devastated. She did not even know how to process the information. It did not even feel real to her. When she received the call from her mother, she instantly fell to the floor and started sobbing. As upset as she was, she was also immediately concerned with how her siblings were handling the news. As soon as she got off the phone with her mom, she packed a bag, hopped in her car, and began her road trip home to be with her family. Throughout the 2-hour car ride home, Avery seemed to feel numb to it all.
127 our experts are availableright now
She could not wrap her head around the fact that her dad, who was one of her favorite people in the whole entire world, was gone forever. As she stared down the endless road, she strained to remember every detail of the last time she saw him. She remembered that it was a beautiful day, a Sunday in fact. Avery had driven back home so that she could attend church with her family. After they attended the morning service, there was a fun family barbeque at their house with some folks form church and around their neighborhood. It was a great time filled with laughter and a whole lot of love. Avery had to leave the party early because she had to get back to school in order to prepare for her class the following morning. She remembers giving her father a big squeeze and a meaningful “I love you”. As Avery is remembering this last moment with her father, she begins to cry once again. However, her sadness quickly fades and transitions into anger. She was not angry with her father, or herself, or even the person who had taken her father’s life. Instead, she was angry with God.
This loss made Avery question everything about her faith and the God she had been praying to for the last 24 years. She began to wonder what kind of higher power would take her father from this Earth. Not only was he an amazing father who provided for his family and loved them unconditionally, but her was a police officer and put his own life on the line each and every day in order to keep him family and the town safe. Why would God punish him for that? She was pleading and begging the God she believed in to bring her father back so she could see him one more time. She wanted one last moment with him. When Avery finally arrived home, she was physically and emotionally drained. Her anger faded into complete sadness. When she arrived home, she embraced her mother and siblings and headed upstairs to her childhood bedroom. She grabbed a picture of her and her father and held it close as she curled up in her bed where she remained for quite some time.
Approaches
Everyone grieves and copes in their own way. Therefore, it is extremely beneficial to know more than one approach when assessing a person. One model that can be used is the Kubler-Ross model. This model was introduced in 1969 and describes the process of grief in five stages. The first of the five stages is denial. This stage is where a person who has suffered a loss refuses to accept that loss. The second of the five stages is anger. When a person experiences this stage, a sense of rage can overcome a person and therefore they may be hard to console or help during that time. The third of the five stages is bargaining. During this stage, there is acceptance for the loss that will happen, but there is a longing of hope for a certain amount of time or a wishing to do one last thing before. The fourth of the five stages is depression. When a person is experiencing this stage, it will be hard for those around them to see them so sad and withdrawn.
However, it is still an important stage in the grieving process so the person can fully feel the emotions and accept the loss that has occurred or the one that is about to happen. The final stage of the five is acceptance. This is the stage where the person has finally come to terms with the loss and realizes that they will get through it. While these stages are described in a certain order, people will not necessarily experience the stages in the same order or even experience all five (Patricelli). The most helpful thing about this model is that it gives a base line to go off of. Again, while a person may not experience each stage in the same order, it gives a person a basic understanding of each stage and what to look for. On the other hand, the fact that it is not completely accurate can be a downside. A person may only experience two of these stages and if someone is stuck on the fact that grief should follow all five stages in order, it will not be a beneficial tool in helping someone going through the process. Another model that can be used is the task based model. This model sees coping with a loss as an active process and each person takes their own course. There are physical tasks, psychological tasks, social tasks, and spiritual tasks.
The first task, physical, is aimed to help satisfy the needs of one’s body, such as nutrition and hydration, along with reducing any type of physical stress, such as pain in the body. The second task, psychological, is set to maximize the psychological security and comfort in a person’s life along with bringing a certain richness to it as well. The third task, social, is where a person can strictly focus on the relationships that are important to them along with any issues in their relationships. The fourth and final task, spiritual, is meant to provide and nourish a sense of hope. A person can address meaningfulness, connectedness, and transcendence all in spiritual tasks (Kilcrease, 2013). The task based model seems like a more realistic and more beneficial model for coping. It allows the person coping to follow their own timeline and process with no preconceived standards of what a person should be doing while coping. When reviewing both of these models, Avery seems to be following the Kubler-Ross model. While Avery does not necessarily go through every stage, the process of her coping seems to align with the stages.
Coping
There is no right or wrong way to cope. One way that seems to be effective is just talking about the death of your loved one. Whether you do this with a friend, another family member, or a therapist, it can be helpful to just talk about your feelings and get it out in the open. It is important to remember that a person is not alone when going through the process of grief. Another way to cope can be as simple as taking care of oneself. Making sure to eat and nourish the body correctly, getting some exercise, such as taking a walk, or ever getting plenty of rest can be very beneficial. In addition, celebrating and remembering the live of a loved one after they are gone can be very beneficial for someone who is coping. This can be done in any way a person feels is appropriate, whether it be putting up pictures, watching their favorite movie, or doing something symbolic in their honor (Nordal, 2011). What seems to be the most effective coping for Avery is to have the support of her family and to see a therapist or religious counselor. There is a lot she is struggling with after the loss of her father, including her doubt in faith.
Response
If I were friends with Avery during this rough time in her life, I would first and foremost make sure she knew that I was there for her at all times if she needed to talk. I think that I would try to find the balance of being there for her yet also giving her the space she needs to grieve. Also, while it is important for someone to fully feel the loss they have just endured and feel all those emotions, it is also important for them to know that there is still life left to be lived. I think that as a friend to Avery, it would be my role to get her out of bed and out to do an activity, such as a walk, lunch, or seeing a movie. I would just be there for her unconditionally and help her cope with the loss of her father and let her know however she needs to grieve is the right way.
