Perception is the ultimate personal sacrifice that has hindered my daily lifestyle long since I can remember. Growing up I can always recall a moment in which I either didn’t have a certain experience or had purposely excluded myself from having certain experiences. If it wasn’t because of physical reasons, it was for materialistic reasons, or reasons in which I felt I didn’t pertain. That was always my greatest struggle growing up – feeling as if I never belonged wherever I was. I at the time was in the middle of a whirlwind of feelings and thoughts. It was always “did you do this”, “did you do that”, “don’t like this, you should like that”. But who was I trying to fool, none of these expectations made sense to me. Why was I trying to be like her? Why was I trying to be like them? When in reality, I just had to be me.
It took years to feel comfortable in my own skin; an aspect that led to the understanding of who I am today. These personal revelations such as “who am I…really” has become a concept I often tend to think about in times where I feel that something is missing. “Somethings” being the unrecognizable sense of self being shielded due to outer confrontations. The basis of this new ideology set along a path for me to align both my priorities and wellbeing, in order to figure out what is in store for my life. But because this is only a more recent way of viewing my own personal bubble, I had many previous bumps along the road.
For instance, one being when I had to create my own personality mask as a classroom project. Recollecting the few snippets I can recall from that period of my life, I remember shedding several tears while reading the assignments instructions and thinking to myself “how can I create a personality mask if all I ever do is act upon the basis of what I want others to observe in me”. This moment is one that I contribute to becoming completely aware of the circumstances I had been developing in my consciousness. It is when I realized that I needed to focus on who I really am and not how I wanted to be seen; based on other people’s opinions. In other words, if you rely on the physical,you are ultimately vulnerable to being quickly belittled. That is why I knew I needed to make a change in my life.
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Although growing up I used to think I was completely aware of whom I was, I later grasped that was just a shear cover to what was actually hidden inside myself. Under all the superficial aspects that take a role in ones becoming, there, beneath those thoughts and feelings, is the most real version of you. A you that is worthy of change from the restraints that is said for you to be. Underneath, there is another person, a person that needs to be shown.
This slight outlier in my life has made me mentally stronger and has pushed me to become a truer version of myself. And now, with my future – college, career, and life – being unfolded faster than ever, it is imperative that I accurately know who I am. Personal success starts with learning, and just like a flower, I needed my time to grow.
