How am I supposed to know what my dream is when I stopped dreaming when my mother died? Live my Dream?? Are those words just a dated cliche? Or do people really live their dreams?
I’m Katie. This is the first time I have written anything regarding my past and what I have overcome. I had 3 different rough drafts on paper, but in reading them, I was distracted by a voice from inside me telling me that no rough draft is needed, beside, I didn’t get a rough draft for the unbelievable Heart and life shatter that took place in me and my family over the last 9 years..
I was from a broken home parents divorcing at 6, I struggled with adolescent anxiety which brought on mild tics (obsessive compulsive habits, until I was 13. Despite struggling to overcome this disorder I did extremely well in school.. I loved going to school. After watching my sister drop outat the 10th grade I committed myself to my education.
I was on the swim team, ROTC, and managed Track and field. In my freshman year, I became pregnant the next summer, I was 15.Still determined to finish school, I started working in fast food and quickly saw where I didn’t want my life to end up. Pressing on against many doubters, I graduated top of my class in 03, My beautiful daughter, 2 years old watched from my mothers arms.
I met My now ex husband that same year and we had our son within another year. My husband and I agreed I would stay home while the kids were little. The emotional abuse started very soon after my son was born. I felt helpless to do anything because I had very little work history and no way to support myself.. This proved worse than working fast food. our relationship deteriorated and in 09 my mother and best friend was diagnosed with cancer, climbing into bed with her she told me 3 things:
- Leave him. Move on with your life. School Katie!
- Take care of your sister, she’s needy
- I love you more than anything in this life.
The following year was my undoing, barely going through the motions of living again, it is revealed that my bro in law had been molesting our daughter for the previous year. I lost my hold on reality, my husband had and affair and I ended up in a mental hospital. It was too much to overcome. I no longer wanted to live. Despite My ex husbands, domestic violence charges he was awarded custody of our kids because I had no ‘ability or stability’. My life spiraled out of control with reckless behavior. I had lost my identity., my kids had a baby brother.. I wandered. I would visit another mental hospital this time in San Diego after having attempted to end my life with !900 mg of seraquil.