The book I decided on for the Communication Skills Project was, Deborah Tannen’s Book, “You’re wearing that? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation. After reading the book I decided to read, I thought it was a great, and fascinating read. I decided to read this book because I thought it would help me understand how to better communicate with my Mother, and we would be able to improve how we communicated in our Mother-and-Daughter relationship. When it came down to deciding on what Tannen book I was going to read for this project, I decided on reading, “You’re wearing that? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation.
The main reason why I chose the book I mentioned above is because it would allow me, and many other people who would get the opportunity to read this book, and to better understand how mothers and daughters usually talk to one another when they are having a conversation between one another. There are many skills that came up in the book I mentioned above, and many of those communication skills that were used in the book would have come from the textbook that I would have read for this class. One of the communication skills from the textbook from our class that would relate to the Tannen book I chose is, the communication skill of Primary Relationships.
The way that primary relationships would relate to the Tannen book I chose is because, the primary relationship would be talking about the relationship that would be between the two principle parties would be the husband and wife, the lovers, the domestic partners, which would be examples of the primary relationships. The term family would also be the type of communicating aspect in the family relationship would be consisting of the broader span of the family would include the children, relatives, and other significant within the family members. Before I get into really talking about the book I chose, I will be giving a short summary of what the book was about. The book is about the conversations many mothers and their daughters have, and it also goes into talking about the conversations between mothers and their grown-up daughters and how it can range from being good conversations to the worst conversations.
When it comes to the book I have been talking about so far, the book talks about how mothers and daughters talk to each other but when they talk to one another their conversations are often taken the wrong way, or they even misunderstand each other a lot of the times. As the book progresses, it begins to talk about how conversations are between mothers and their daughters changes as they get closer to each other as they are younger but once they get older their independence begins to show and the daughters do not need their mothers as much as they seemed to when they were younger.
When mothers and their daughters are younger they tend to interact with one another more but when they get older they tend to grow apart a little bit as they begin to get away from their mothers more and more throughout the day. In the book, it also shows the mother-daughter relationship on a daily basis and how communication has been changing throughout the years. As the book comes to an end, it shows the many ways the mothers and their daughters communication skills can be improved between one another, and their relationship can improve. I noticed at the end that the changes in communication helped mothers and their daughters get their once great relationship with good communicating skills back on track.
Throughout the book, I was able to come across many key concepts after I was able to review the whole book and could understand what the main ideas for the book as were. There were many key concepts mentioned throughout the book that would be used to summarize the Tannen book I read, as a whole. I was able to determine three key concepts that were brought up in the book. The first key concept I came across while reading the book was, the concept of miscommunication. Additionally, the concept of miscommunication would be talking about, when one person is talking to another person and they are trying to communicate with the other person in a way that could be a common mistake, come across unclear, or even come across inadequately.
When it comes to mothers and daughters talking to one another, it is very common for there to be times of miscommunication in their conversation, and usually it is a common mistake. The second key concept that I came across while reading the book was, the concept of the relationship a mother would have with her daughter as she is growing up throughout the years. The way I can explain the concept I mentioned above is by, when the daughter is younger she is relying on her mother to help her out a lot more, but as she is starting to grow up and get to the age of starting her adult life, she still somewhat relies on her mother, but in other cases a daughter does not talk to her mother as much as she would if she were younger and living at home or even closer to home.
The third and final key concept that I came across in the reading was, the concept of having good communication skills between a mother and daughter relationship. The way that I can explain the concept I mentioned above is by, when it comes to having a good mother and daughter relationship no matter how old the mother and her daughter or daughters may be having good communication skills is a good concept to have no matter what the type of relationship you have and who you are trying to improve your communication skills with.
When I was reading the book, I came across many quotes that stood out to me a lot and in this project, I am going to talk about just three of the quotes from the book I decided to go with. The first quote that I came across in the book was, “The negative aspects of the mother-daughter relationship may result in part from the magnitude of the positive ones. Daughters and mothers expect, and often get so much from each other that their frustration is proportionally vast when they don’t get it.” (page 20). The next quote that I came across in the book was, ‘But many mothers and daughters who experience no major conflict nonetheless find that a mother’s repetition of legitimate concerns puts distance between them.” (page 31-32) The last and final quote that I came across in the book was, “Strangers who critique the mothering of women they do not expect these women to be model mothers every moment of the day.” (page 98-99)
Application of Concepts
There were many concepts brought up in the Tannen book that I read, and many of the concepts that were mentioned in the book that would apply to my own communication. When it comes to my communication skills, there are three main concepts or skills that I could use that were in the book that would help me in improving my communication skills. One of the communication skills that was brought up in the Tannen book that I read that I could use that were mentioned in the book that would apply to my own communication is miscommunication. When it comes to the term miscommunication, it is a term that would have to deal with a failure to get a message across or lack of clear communication.
The way that miscommunication would be a concept that would apply to my own communication based on the book is, because when I am talking to people I tend to receive the information inadequately, or I take what people tell me to heart. Additionally, another communication skill that would apply to my own communication is interpersonal communication, which states that is a type of communication that occurs between or among connected persons or those involved in a close relationship. The way that this concept would apply to my own communication is due to the fact that when I am trying to have a conversation with someone else or other people are having a conversation with someone else, someone else, or even myself tries to have a conversation about something but one of us changes the flow in the close relationships we have.
The third and final concept that would apply to my own communication is, engaging into a conversation with someone I know with an emotional connection, but not being able to contact emotionally fully. The way that miscommunication would be a concept that would apply to my own communication based on the book is I noticed in the book, and even with my own communication that when me, or even other people are trying to have a conversation there is one person who can not contact emotionally to the right level.
Based on what I have discussed above, I am going to make many attempts at improving my communication skills and making a set of goals that would make it necessary for me to be able to improve my communication skills. Based on what I have learned, I am going to make many attempts at improving my communication skills, and many of them will be goals that I will stick too in my real life, and within the relationships with the people in my life.
Some of the goals that I am going to attempt to set into place in order to improve my communication skills are, listen to people better, the people I am talking to matters, improve my body language when I am talking to people, check the messages I am sending to people before I send them, be brief when talking, write important things down, pick up my telephone more, think before I speak, treat everyone I communicate with equally, and have a positive attitude and smile while having a conversation. When it comes to the types of relationships I am going to improve my communication skills with are, my family, my friends, significant others, other adults in my life, strangers, etc. The plan I had set into place was to improve my communication with my family, my friends, my significant others, and the other people I have come across with in my life. The outcome of my plan was a good one, and I was actually able to accomplish some of my goals.
Based on the analysis of the experiment I had based on the set of goals I made, I believe it went very well and I was able to accomplish a lot. When it came to how successful I was at trying to improve my communication skills, and keep up with the goals I made, I believe I was almost completely successful. I had to overcome many obstacles throughout the experiment, but due to having the goals I had, and handling them in the way I did I was able to overcome them. Based on how things played out with my experiment, I would not change a thing unless it was to make sure I had a longer set of goals to meet in order to improve my communication skills. When it came to the reaction of others, they were able to tell that I was improving somewhat on my communication skills, but one way they reacted is my mother told me I needed to speak more clearly. I have decided to take what she said and use it to improve how I communicate with my mother, my family members, my friends, and other people I come across.
There are many lessons that I learned from the Tannen book, and many of the lessons I have learned could be applied in “real life”. One of the lessons that I learned from the Tannen book that I learned that I could use in my real life is, no matter what advice a mother gives you on something, it is always best to take the motherly advice even though it may be wrong or even right. I believe I could take this lesson to heart because it would allow me to improve my communication with my mother and have a better relationship with her. Another one of the lessons I have learned from the Tannen book is, when it comes to communicating with your family and friends you have to take what they say into consideration and listen to their feelings and don’t make it about yourself during the conversation. Furthermore, I think when your family member, or friend are talking to you about something important to them it is great to listen to them and make sure they know that you are paying attention to them and you know how they are feeling.
Critique & Summary
After reading the book I chose, there was one area of the book where I would have to disagree with something that Tannen had said, but when it comes to the changes that could be made about the book I was not able to come across any big things in the book that needed to be changed. One disagreement I would have with something that Tannen said in the book was when she stated that, E-mail could be more of an effective form of communication because it allows people to get into contact with other people much quicker then if they were to send a letter by mail.
I would have to disagree with that part because when some people are sending emails to certain people they sometimes do not get there as fast as they want, and sometimes when people send actual letters in the mail they could get them much quicker then an email in some cases. When it comes to my recommendation of the book, I would recommend the book for the following reasons, it would allow a person to improve their primary relationship communication skills, it would show them how a mother and daughter would communicate with each other as their lives change, and as well as it could just improve your interpersonal relationships with anyone that you believe you would want to improve your skills with a certain relationship you have with someone. My reaction to the experiment was, I believe it was a great experience and it made me really want to improve my communication skills with the people I have in my life, and even with people I do not know.
- Tannen, D. (2006). You’re Wearing that? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in communication [Online version]. Retrieved May 31, 2018, from https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=NtKOJMLMHuAC&printsec=frontcover&output=reader&hl=en&pg=GBS.PP1