How do we perceive things around us? This question is very instigating and brings us to many reflections. The deeper we go into the process of perception, the clear it becomes that we perceive the same outer world only in its superficial characteristics, and on the other hand, the more we increase our demand for detail, we see that each perceives the world in its own way, in a very particular and singular way. It is through a social perception that we evaluate things and people around us giving meanings that satisfy our roles and identity. Because of our perception, we interact, not with people or objects, but with the images we make of them. Therefore, to understand what is seen, we must understand ourselves as well as the situation.
Our perception is based on our partial view of the situation, but we don’t think about it as we interact with the world. In fact, our assessments of people are often inaccurate. Faced with this, our tendency is to presume quickly that the superficial images we have of others are correct. These presuppositions or inferences are directly influenced by our feelings arising from our lifelong experiences along with the attributions we make.
Attributions are the explanation we give to how people act in certain ways and why things happen in the way they do. These attributions are usually based on how we acknowledge the facts, the causes, and motives to people’s behaviors. We can attribute these causes to internal factors (Roger did not work on his project because he is lazy), therefore, they are stable causes, or external factors (Roger did not work on his project because he is tired), these are unstable causes and they may vary depending on the situation and the environment.
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Who we hold responsible for someone’s behavior also affect our perception of them (Mary is late because she did not plan her schedule vs. Mary is late because a friend needed her). The way we make attributions is very important in our communication with others and with ourselves. I am usually very hard on myself, so every time I fail on doing something I tend to put the blame on internal characteristics which affect not only the way I see things but also my interpersonal communication. Since I started my psychology degree I became aware of this trend of mine and I am working towards to change it. For example, every time I make a lower grade I try to think that the exam was too hard or that I did not study enough instead of thinking I am not smart.
In this attempt to analyze behaviors, we can perceive the difference when we explain our own behavior and when we are explaining that of other people. When explaining our behavior, we do it from the situation that triggered it (I did not finish my assignment because I had an accident), when we explain the behavior of other people, we tend to infer that this attitude is a characteristic of this person, not considering the situation she/he was at when acted in a certain way (He did not finish his assignment because he is irresponsible not because his computer broke).
We tend to find excuses to rationalize our behaviors, so we can feel better about ourselves. The way we perceive people’s behavior and the attributions we make, directly affect how we communicate with them. For example, if I go to a restaurant where the waiter treats me rudely I can attribute this behavior to internal characteristics (he is a rude person), then, I will probably not go back to this restaurant again. On the other hand, if I think that this bad behavior may be because the waiter is having a bad day I will be more willing to return.
Another factor that influences our social perception is the expectation. We tend to behave in a way to fulfill the expectation we believe others have from us (self-fulfilling prophecy). For example, a person who believes that a coworker does not like her and wants to exclude her from leisure activities after business hours may act in a closed or aggressive manner with this colleague and will do so as a means of defending something she imagines is already occurring. What this person does not realize is that their aggressive behaviors may cause this colleague to dislike her and ultimately really do not invite her to extra work activities she would so much want to participate in. This process is not conscious, and we do not always want such things to happen, but when we believe they will occur we eventually collaborate for this outcome without even realizing how much we interfere on it.
Our role in society similarly shapes the way we perceive things influencing our communication process. It happens because our attitudes and behaviors are guided based on our knowledge of how something should be done and on what we believe is expected of us in certain situations. The way we interpret things is founded on our observations and experiences of the world. As a mother, my perception of things and people around me gained a whole new dimension. Before maternity, I always thought that raising a child was not a big deal. Every time I saw a child throwing a tantrum at the store I would think to myself “what kind of parents can not control their own child,” now I feel compassion for these parents and I want to offer them my help and let them know they are not alone. It is easy to be judgmental when you haven’t gone through the same experiences.
Another variable that influences our perception of others is the stereotypes we form, these can be positive or negative and consists in designating characteristics to the people of a certain group, to which we infer typical characteristics. In short, stereotypes are impressions, prejudices, and ‘labels’ created in a generalized way and simplified by common sense. The gender stereotype, for example, is practiced by society since we are born. Blue is attributed to boys while pink is accredited to girls, even toys are categorized differently: boys should play with cars and girls with dolls.
This type of stereotype is often utilized by us involuntarily and it affects our behaviors. In an instance, I do not consider myself a preconceived person and I don’t mind seeing my son playing with what is considered “girls’ toys”, however, I never gave him a barbie, or a pink kitchen, or a princess… Stereotypes also influence how we treat boys and girls differently, girls are seeming as more fragile while boys are meant to be tougher, characteristics that are not always true.
I could not fail to mention physiology as an influencing factor in our perception. The way we feel interfere with what we choose to pay attention to and how we interpret and perceive things around us. If I am exhausted and stressed, I have the tendency to see things from the negative side of it, on the other hand, if I am content and satisfied I focus my attention on the good side of things and I tend to be more positive about life in general.
Concluding, all concepts discussed above are relevant and definitely impact my communication process. I try to be aware of all these themes that influence my perception, so I can overcome my unconscious judgments of other people’s behaviors and how I treat them as well as how I interpret certain situations. Each of us has developed a personal construct that we use to interpret situations and behavior of others. These constructs are mostly related to our motivation and help us to organize our experience into categories according to the meaning we attribute to them. However, our inferences of things are often not the actual facts, but how we perceive it. So, everyone perceives the same fact differently according to their uniqueness. Then, I believe that we don’t have to always agree with others, but we must be respectful and willing to hear their perspective on things.
