When I was still a high school student, I experienced both happy and miserable moments. One of those led me to a silly action because I could not control my anger. Sincerely, I hardly ever stand up to my mother until she damaged my self-esteem.
The incident happened when I was sixteen year olds. In the end of the semester, I got the result of my grade. Unfortunately, my parents were not happy about that, especially my mom. Although my grade was not so bad, my ranking was still low. As a result, my mom was not satisfied with this situation. She yelled at me with righteous indignation, so I tried to explain that I did my best and struggled to improve my overall ranking. Honestly, I felt that it was unfair for me and I should be sympathized instead of criticized. My mother kept talking and said something unsettled to me: “That was embarrassing! You are driving me depressed! You are still lazy and never listen to me”.
I endured and apologized her: “I am so sorry, Mom! I studied harder but it did not pan out. I promise to make it better next semester”. Although I felt guilty about myself, my mom could not be relented: “How many time did I hear these words? How many chance did I give you so far? The more I believed in you, the more disappointed I was”, my Mom said. Worse still, she compared me with my cousin who is one year older than me. She required me to study like him, and listed for me all his great characteristics. She said he was an excellent student, that he always study so hard but I was the opposite. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I hate all comparisons although I was not jealous with him. Rather, I felt like I was an idiot and a failure because I could not do what he did.
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I was being frustrated and I could not hear her out even in a minute. That was too much for me and I felt that I want to run away as far as possible. I wanted to get myself out of this insane situation. I did nothing wrong, but why the damnable things always come to me? Immediately, I left my home in a rainy evening, and I kept going forward without destination and plan. In my mind, I was even not aware it was raining heavily. I walked in vain overwhelmed by hopelessness. The street was quiet and a little empty. Sometimes I could hear a truck honking from miles away and the rhythm of the rain clearly.
The wind was howling and blowing on trees. Some commuting people looked at me with curiosity. Perhaps they thought I was mad and crazy, but I ignored all of them. Constantly, I went further and further. I had totally lost my identity and felt like nobody stood on my side anymore. At a moment, I realized that there would be no escape if I just walked like that. Even though I strongly disagreed with my mom, I was afraid of death and loss more. I stopped and hesitated. After a long time, I decided to turn back, and I hoped that my mom would be tormented due to what she had caused.
On my way home, I saw a familiar man with his raincoat riding on a motorbike. In the dark night, I spotted that it was my Dad. When he saw me, he looked so worried and asked me: “Where have you been?” I did not answer and my tears naturally flew from my eyes. I could not control my feeling at this moment. I just wanted to express all my emotions. My Dad calmed me: “Come on, come back with me!” I got on his motorcycle in obedience and returned home. When I arrived home, my mom saw my wet body and she already knew what happened to me. She asked with a frank but compassionate voice: “Why did you do such a thing? Do you know how much we were worried about you? I solely wanted you to improve and make a progress.” I did not respond to her and rushed toward my bed. I only went to sleep as soon as possible to forget all my sadness.
My dad dried my hair and my hands. He gently said: “Change your clothes before sleeping. Next time, do not do that again. Don’t you know there are always danger if you are walking alone like that? The bastards could kidnap you. Would you like that consequence?” I did not answer and withdrew my body into silence. My father continued: “All the things mom said was just because of her concern and her affection. That was a mother’s heart. Her anger was just temporary. But in the bottom of her heart, she genuinely loves you and wants to see you grow up”. My father’s words stabbed through my mind. I cried secretly and felt unjust about my behavior. As time passed, I fell asleep and had a beautiful dream until the morning.
When I woke up, my mom did not mention about what happened the day before. And yet, I thought that I was bad-tempered because I should not behave like that toward my mom. I saw her mood was quite improved. Uncertainly, I thought she forgave me and gave me one more chance. I also forgot and grinned again, so I felt more comfortable. All I needed was to keep moving forward, and all the forgettable deeds had been gone in my mind.
