Self-disclosure is defined as the process of revealing personal information about oneself to others. Self-disclosure, by which two persons get to know each other, isconsidered as a key of developing closeness and intimacy with others, including friends, coworkers, romantic partners, and family members. Social penetration theory states that as we get to know someone, we engage in a reciprocal process of self-disclosure that changes in breadth and depth and affects how a relationship develops. Depth refers to how personal or sensitive the information is and breadth refers to the range of topics discussed.
The Johari window can be applied to a variety of interpersonal interactions in order to help us understand what parts of ourselves are open, hidden, blind, and unknown. The four stages of relational development in social penetration theory can be compared to the quadrants in Johari Window. The orientation stage where people are involved in small and simple talk is similar to the open quadrant that is the public area that allows disclosers to share information willingly. Both orientation stage and the open quadrant involve superficial details about the disclosers. The second stage, the exploratory affective and the third stage, affective exchange can be compared to the hidden area.
In the second and third stage disclosers start revealing personal attitudes as they move to private and personal matters. The hidden area contains private and personal information that disclosers are unwilling to reveal. The fourth stage, stable exchange is reached when disclosers share highly personal thoughts, values, beliefs and they can predict emotional reactions of each other. The stable exchange stage is achieved when the information in the blind area and the unknown area is revealed through disclosing and reciprocity.
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Duy and I hanged out at 11 am on Wednesday at the Starbuck coffee shop in Kent. We decided to meet outside school for more relaxing and comfort chatting. We felt quite intimate and familiar to each other after the first meeting. First, we reviewed lessons in Communication Study book, then we started to exchange information about public area of both. We both like Vietnamese food and barbecue. In Vietnamese culture, the key to keep the fire of the family is a whole family – gathering meal, which is maintained at least 3 meals per week and on weekend. So, we both like having a meal with parents, husband and kids (for me, I got marriage) and family members. We also like to enjoy spicy hotpot and drinking with friends on weekend.
Duy likes Dimsum, Starbuck, Sharetea and dislikes seafood, ginger while I like Chinese food and seafood a lot. For hobbies, Duy likes watching movies, hanging out with friends while I like travelling, cooking, singing. We have the same passion of collecting shoes and clothes. Duy told me a lot about his big passion: shoes. He disclosed to me about his business plan of shoes business after graduated. Duy revealed that he wants to earn as much money as he can so he wishes to be a businessman. During the disclosing time, I realized that Duy is an oriented-family by his sharing about opinions of future family, marriage, education and kids. This is a blind area that Duy did not recognize before about himself. We jumped into hidden area faster than we thought. We frankly shared about personal thoughts and our self-concept about a family. I felt very comfortably to share with Duy that I like to have 3 to 4 kids.
My conception of a family is different from Duy. Duy prefers less kids, 1 to 2 kids will be enough for him. Duy expects that he has enough good conditions of financial (like he has a house, car and money), stable job, well-prepared knowledge of taking care of children and giving them good education before he gets marriage. My opinions are not contrary to his opinions but more mental and sentimental orientation. I gave him my experience in life and good advices about marriage and kids. I told him that we should not focus too much on money and career. What we should do to have happy family are keeping the fire of sentiment between a couple, letting your love, your feelings arise and maintain, and to be surprised to receive a baby coming to you. I am a traditional woman so I always believe in my Vietnamese culture that babies are gifts from the God, bringing happiness to a family and tight connection to parents.
In the disclosure process, we moved from blind area to open area and from hidden area to open area. We applied well competent self-disclosure in the meeting. We understood own ourselves and each other, did not force the partner to disclose anything, listened to each other with caring and supportive manner, moved step by step of interpersonal communication. So both of us felt relaxing by releasing stress and happy. This meeting has made a farther step in our relationship. Generally, I disclose to people around me with friendly but carefully manner. Duy is my compatriot and has same hobbies with me so it is more comfortable for me get into intimacy with him. For friends, I am also open but not “so open”. I mean I prefer a two-side relationship when I want to disclose to anyone.
