On October 25th,2017, my best friend, Nate, was shot and killed in a parking lot. At the time I somewhat believed in God and at the time I was furious with this “God” questioning why he would let a great person like Nate to die. I seriously questioned my religion and if this God was real. I was hurt and I felt more alone than ever. At that time I was in a group home and the only person I really had was Nate. When he died, I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my whole life. It was horrible.
The night that Nate died we were at a party and we were planning to leave together and go back to his house, but that night I made the decision to leave with another friend and meet up with later. I went up to him and I hugged him for the last time. Since I left, he decided to leave with two of his other friends and they were going to go get food at a mexican fast food place. When they were walking up to the restaurant, someone driving past pulled out a gun and fired several shots. The only person who got hit with bullets was Nate. He passed away in the parking lot before paramedics could arrive to the scene. The next morning I got a call. It was Nate’s cousin calling me to tell me what happened. The second those words came out of his mouth I felt my world fall apart. I was so angry,sad, and I didn’t want to believe him. I was hoping he was just playing a really sick joke on me. I was waiting for him to say haha im just kidding but those words never came out of his mouth. I was so enraged with God. Nate was placed in his life. He just started making music and people were actually listening to it and one of his songs were played on a local radio station. He was in football and he was looking at a scholarship to the University Of Colorado if he played in college. I kept thinking if there was even a God he wouldn’t take someone out of this world who was doing so well and had so much to live for. I also believed that if there was a God he wouldn\’t let Nate die alone in a parking lot not knowing what was going on.
At the time I not only blamed God but I also blamed myself for his death. I kept thinking he would still be alive if I wouldn’t have left the party that night. The only reason he was in that parking lot was because I left without him. I hated myself for months because of this. I was wishing that I could take everything back and not let him go with those two friends. At the time, my group home said that I couldn’t go to his funeral because he wasn’t “real family’. I was heartbroken and so depressed. I gave up believing in God because he just kept letting horrible things happen to me. I cured him and was just so broken. I had nothing. Nate was the one person I had and he was dead, leaving me alone with my horrible thoughts. All I wanted was to see him again, hug him, and tell him how much he means to me. It took awhile for me to actually realize that I would never see him again. I kept thinking that he would text me or while at school he’d come around the corner with his goofy smile walking up to me to tell me something crazy, and at the time I had a phone but it broke months later and I lost every single picture of us messing around. For months and months I was wishing it would of been me instead of him because he had so much going for him. I hated life and now I had no one.
It took almost a year for me to come to terms with everything. I slowly was able to stop blaming myself. And sadly I lost my belief in God or a higher power, but it was also due to some other things going on. All I can do now is share Nate’s story and keep him alive in my memories.