“Forgive me for being…” “Forgive me for doing…” are statements that are typically used in daily conversations. People nowadays think that asking for forgiveness is just the same thing as buying a candy. But what does forgiveness really mean? How do we grant and seek for forgiveness? Does forgiving removes resentment towards people who hurt them?
Forgiveness is defined as a primary characteristic that has the ability to release a person from an undesirable relationship to the source that has transgressed against an individual. (Thompson et al., 2005). Others defined it as a response to an offense that lessens the desire to seek revenge and encourages more humane motives towards the person at fault (McCullough, Pargament, & Thoresen, 2000). Thoresen together with Luskin, and Harris (1998) added that forgiveness includes the act of letting go of the undesirable emotion and embracing a merciful attitude toward the perpetrator. It may lead to the act of understanding and the feeling of empathy to the offender. Also, it is about giving or extending mercy towards the offender.
Forgiveness is conceived and observed most often from the point of view of the victims and not the offender (Thompson et al., 2005). Furthermore, forgiveness is often said to be beneficial relational method involving the release of adverse effects ascribed to harmful behaviors of transgressors (Younger et al., 2004). In addition, recent studies also indicate that forgiveness is driven by reasons such as relational engagement, love, empathy, fear of losing one’s partner and emotional participation. (Kelley, 1998; Younger et al., 2004)
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One study was conducted in the Philippines and United States in comparison of motives and values towards forgiveness. The findings suggest that compared to Americans, the Filipinos are more likely to forgive, while, Americans are more expected to avoid. The study also found out that restoration of the relationship is more significant for Filipinos rather than for Americans. For the reason that, Americans can either give in or let go their motivations towards revenge regardless of how they want to be close to the transgressor. In contrast to Filipinos, in having the feeling to think that the relationship needs to be repaired in order for them to let go the intention of vengeance. (Santos, 2012).
In 1998, McCullough and colleagues recognized that there are two motivational components that serves as the root in the individual’s decision to forgive: the avoidance and revenge. As an answer to the feelings of hurt emotionally, the individual might attempt to separate one’s self from the transgressor either psychologically or physically (avoidance) or seek out for vengeance, which is to have a desire for the harm to happen to the transgressor (revenge). But, when the transgressor was forgiven, the individual no longer seeks for revenge and avoid the transgressor for the hurt and damage done.
In the first look, forgiveness is entirely a process that is intrapersonal in which its outcome makes a change that is beneficial to the person’s emotion who is being offended. Some other time, the offended person will feel less bad towards the circumstances and the negative outcome brought by the action. Also, one can encounter boost in emotions that are positive, like, being appreciative for what happened. But forgiveness can be an interpersonal also, because it can lead to the restoration of the relationship in a state before the transgression was committed (Baumeister, Exline, & Sommer, 1999).
Likewise, Kochakadan (2018) described forgiveness as an individual’s cognitive instrument developed through the progression of natural selection and is very essential to every human being to reestablish valuable relationships. This relationship’s perceived value and risk for impending exploitation have found to predict forgiveness.
Everett Worthington, a psychologist, claimed that granting forgiveness is an alteration of emotion in which sympathy or empathy replaces resentment, hostility or the feeling of vengeance toward a person. There are times where in forgiveness involves an alteration on how you view or perceive another person. Additionally, several studies have claimed that having relationships where people feel close, committed and satisfied they are much willing to grant forgiveness (Nelson, 1993; Rackley, 1993; Roloff & Forgiveness 11 Janiszewski, 1989; Woodman, 1991).
Given these diverse definitions of forgiveness, it could be concluded that forgiveness is a person’s innate capability that encourages them to be free from unpleasant feeling caused by themselves or others. Forgiveness could also be classified into two such as forgiveness seeking and forgiveness granting. Moreover, it is also divided into three components – forgiveness to self, forgiveness towards other people and forgiveness to situation or circumstances.
Various researches have presented the relationship of culture and values. These values are considered to be related to culture is presumed to have an effect on how a person think, express emotion and resolve conflicts (Ho & Fung, 2011). Forgiveness is considered to be a venue in resolving disagreement which could possibly be influenced on how a certain group of individuals carries the same set of values (Rungduin & Rungduin, 2013). Enriquez (1978) explained that the cultural values could be a guide in behavior particularly in societal relationships that may perhaps include granting forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a broad construct that seeks to measure an individual’s general tendency to be forgiving of themselves, to others and to circumstances or situations. However, this test only encompasses the factors that contributes in granting forgiveness towards other people in the Filipino context. These factors are divided into three components such as restoration of relationship, freedom from emotional burden and change within oneself (Rungduin & Rungduin, 2013). This test doesn’t measure how an individual tend to be forgiving on self and to negative circumstances. How a person forgives is also not included in this test.
