Table of Contents
Introduction
The death of a loved one is something no one wish to ever experience. This irreversible loss of loved one can lead to grieving. People respond to loss in different ways due to their religious and cultural beliefs. The various characterisations of grief range from simplistic to complex grief. Grief can be defined as the process where individual experience a social, psychological, behavioural and physical response to the loss perception (Ronda, 1993).
A more complex explanation proposes that grief is a multidimensional reaction to loss, specifically to the death or loss of a loved one, where love or bond was involved. While the focused is usually on the emotional reaction to loss, grief also has cognitive, social, physical, behavioural, philosophical and spiritual dimensions (Ronda, 1993).
Irrespective of the descriptions of grief, responses to grief include, but not limited to missing the deceased, longing, sadness, non-acceptance of the death; feeling stunned, anger, feeling the death was unfair, shocked or dazed; emptiness, loss of enjoyment, preoccupation with thoughts and images of the deceased, social impairments, difficulties in trusting others and feeling guilt regarding the circumstances of the death (Ronda, 1993). People who are grieving are more at risk of severe mental health issues like increased risk of suicide, substance abuse and depression (Schut & Stroebe, 2005).
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Although grief is seen as a normal experience with most people adjusting overtime to their loss and grief, nevertheless, remains a very sad period where it could take months, if not years to adjust.
Throughout individual lifetimes, Individual experiences of bereavement and grieving will persist and serve as lenses through which one can understand numerous meaning of human existence, death, suffering, the life of the deceased, the mourner, and the love (Attig, 2004). Human experiences as a result of the loss and death of loved ones have different insights and reactions in the society, however, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross offered a distinctive model that describe five stages of grieving.
Grieving Process
Grieving is a process of recognising and accepting that death is real and that the loss of loved one has happened due to death. This event is the most fundamental process that one needs to go through to have an effective outcome from the psychological and emotional conflicts associated with the loss. The lives of those we love and care about, are knitted together with our lives and we cannot change the event that death occurs. Grieving challenges us to respond by taking a constructive action (Attig, 2004).
A constructive response to the grieving process lets the grieving person recognise the loss and accept the fact that the loss has happened and is irreversible, therefore, must continue with normal lives, notwithstanding the challenges (Neimeyer, 2004).
As explain in Kubler-Ross Model, denial precedes anger before individual moves into bargaining, which is followed by depression, but at the end, individual admit the truth, and these are the five phases of grief that the grieving individual goes through during the grieving process (Kubler-Ross, 1969). Regarding acceptance, Attig (2004) claims that “it is about making ourselves ready and opening ourselves to welcome unanticipated opportunities and to pursue meaning down unexpected pathways”. Therefore, acceptance is about understanding the meaning of death as a part of life that is intrinsic and needs endurance as life goes on in the world.
It has been established that the symptoms of grief predict long-term dysfunctions, like social disruption, impaired physical health and suicidal ideation (Prigerson et al., 1995). Explanation for these dysfunction reactions has been provided by attachment theory (Shear, 2006), and therefore, to better inform understandings and interventions, a broader understanding of loss and grief experiences and consequences is required.
While grief is a multidimensional process that can be express in various human dimensions, applying a holistic approach to the assessment of the inner and outer world of the individual is very vital. A multidimensional model of approach assists in identifying variety of factors that can negatively or positively influence adaptation. A multidimensional approach is an all-embracing viewpoint of human behaviour and development which provide a holistic approach to understanding well-being (Hutchison 2003). In multidimensional approach, there is a recognition of individual as having distinctive biopsychosocial and spiritual dimensions, and also cultural and structural dimension (Hutchison 2003).
Psychological and Physical Dimension
Grieving individual experience intense feelings of sadness accompanied by depression, helplessness, hopelessness, abandonment, solitude, and a wish to die (Sanders, 1989). Some physical symptoms experienced by grieving parents include loss of appetite, insomnia as well as confusion, lack of concentration and thinking obsessively. Feeling extremely vulnerable, hyper-vigilance, panic and anxiety can accompany the misery and sadness (Bowlby, 1980).
The display of anger by grieving parents is part of the normal responses to the loss of their child, it could be display as chronic irritation and frustration or as intense rage, it might be directed at other family members, at friends, at their spouse, and may also be directed at the self or even at the dead child (DeFrain, 1991). Rin and her husband were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after the loss of their three children. According to Rin’s friend, Rebecca, there were fights. It is not unusual for parents who are grieving to direct their anger towards each other (DeFrain, 1991). Rin said her emotions were so enormous, doing artwork helps let her emotions out. Artwork work enabled her to express things she can’t necessarily say. Art gave her a new pathway and meaning in life. As Maz said in the video, it is a matter of getting the balance right in a whole range of different things.
Rin explained that they try to stay present every day and have small goals and manage their thought. They go back to basics if they were having a bad day because all they needed was to get to the end of each day peacefully. According to Rin, focusing on the now is very useful in dealing with grief and anxiety. Rin and her husband need emotional support, like offering of companionship, love and understanding, sympathy, sharing of the sorrow; listening to and talking with. Those who share a context of meaning with grieving parents offer the most effective form of emotional support – for example, close relatives, friends, family members or co-workers.
Place Dimension
Rin said it’s about going to a place where one can focus on the moment and be peaceful. she goes to a place like the beach where she can hear the birds singing, and feels so peaceful every moment she spends there, and where nothing seems to be wrong. A place where the grieving individual feel peaceful can help to cope with grief. Activity is an effective and adaptive coping mechanism that helps individual to keep busy, mostly when doing useful activities. Useful activities in which they can focus their energies and distract themselves actively from their grief.
Cultural / Spiritual Dimension
She seeks support (guidance) from her children – asking them what to do about her artwork. she is trying to stay away from anger and blame. She said she would need to find it in her heart to forgive and does not want to be tormented by the loss of her children. She wants to be surrounded by their presence and speak to them and ask them questions. Even though the kids are no longer with her in the real world, she still has a relationship with them, she communicates with them. Rin said on a particular day, she asked the kids what she should do, and she believed it was Mo, who said go to the Artspace. Rin and her husband decided to rent a little place in Scarborough to start up
Artspace.
The downward spiral due to the loss of a loved one can be disrupted by an active engagement in spiritual life. Individual development and coping skills during a loss of loved one can be supported by having an active spiritual life and could also assist individual in understanding meaning and purpose after a loss (Bray, 2013).
Gender
Rin and her husband were both grieving at different levels. They learned to deal with their grief and respect each other’s grief. Research has shown that significant differences in gender reactions to the loss of a child. Men seem to grief for the shorter time; to deny how long they could grief; to cope with their loss by getting involved in an activity like fundraising work or through questioning the reason behind their child’s death. They undertake the role (sometimes, though resentfully) of their partner emotional supporter, on the other hand, mothers, seems to be preoccupied, far more with the emotional impact of the loss of their child, suffering more severe physical and emotional consequences (Stroebe, 1992).
Social Dimension
Loss of loved one could cause a change in role and status within a social network. The social impacts of grief may include unrealistic expectation of others, withdrawal, isolation, sometimes withdraw from others to avoid negative judgment and conflict due to individuals having different grieving styles. Rin and her husband need the support of their social network to help them cope with the loss of their child. Social support has been found enormously helpful to grieving parents in coping with the loss of their child because grief is both personal and social process, and the conversation about the loss, how it happens and how much the child meant to them, is a way of expressing and resolving grief (Worden, 2008).
Social support assist in comforting and facilitating the resolution of grief and has also been found to protect against the traumatic life event and stressful consequences (Worden, 2008). The expression of grief in public grieving ceremony, together with the attending family members, friends and members of religious organisations, has been shown to have a valuable effect in the outcome of grief (Worden, 2008).
Structural Dimension
As Rin said in the video, life with three kids at home was full-on, after the loss, there’s nothing there, nothing to do. Having friends come over to her house and sit on the balcony, watch the sunset together, and sharing the grief and helping each other was therapy. Also, having another child serves as a protective factor for Rin. Parents who experienced the loss of their child may notice differences in how their friends or family relates to them after the death of their child. Some members of the family or friends may not know how to act or what to say around them, some may even distance themselves from the parents and some may become closer than before. Parents changes in priorities and interests or goals after the loss of a child may result in loss of connection to some family members and friends. However, it may also lead to new friendships and relationships.
Resilience
Rin found her meaning in life – Doing artwork. She works in collage, showing layers of her loss and their lives. This enabled her to express things that she couldn’t necessarily just say. Rin gets supports from friends and family. They help set up the art project. According to her friend, Jacquie, the art project has been very healing and for Rin to focus on, and also for the community and everyone involved.
Personal Reflection
It has been a bit challenging for me because grief is a topic I have been avoiding talking about since my Dad passing two years ago. Although it seems like a few weeks ago because I think about him every day. To say it has been hard would be an understatement. I have learned a lot from reading about loss and grief in the past few weeks, knowing that the loss of loved one can change one’s trajectory in life and also question things I have always believed in. I agreed that individual grief differently, for some, the grieving process may persist for the rest of their lives, unfortunately, I may belong to that group of individuals. I have also learned that resources that may be helpful for one person may not be helpful for another.
