We all develop a perception about ourselves; our personality, abilities, attitudes, and behaviors, can all be attributed to the experiences we have in our lifetime, it shapes us to be who we are. The way others interact and how they react towards us can also influence the way we view ourselves. Simply put, our self-concept can be impacted by the way we are perceived by others. As I evaluate the communication and interactions between my significant other, and myself I have recognized the impact it makes in my self-concept.
I have always been a person who cares about others, sometimes putting their needs first if the occasion calls for it. I genuinely strive to do my best in any type of situation and will try to motivate others along the way. I am a person who will see through obstacles and achieve her goals. I am perseverant, dedicated, self-reliant, but can also lack assertiveness when communicating with others. This of course is the self-concept I have of myself. We all develop a perception of ourselves, about our personalities, abilities, attitudes and behaviors, which can be attributed to the experiences we have had in our lifetime. Another factor that influences our self-concept is the interaction we have with others and how they react towards us.
In other words, our self-concept can be impacted by the way we are perceived by others. When analyzing my self-concept, I’ve come to realize that my mother has had an enormous impact in my life and has been a great influence on the characteristics I share of her today. I grew up seeing my mother being selfless when helping others, placing a great emphasize on furnishing support to others in need. When I would put myself first before helping others, usually being my siblings, my mother would react by telling me that I shouldn’t be selfish and explained how life would pay it forward when I least expected it.
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Although others impact us, I believe that we are still our own person and carry traits that make us individuals. With that said, I am stubborn in my ways. If I get an idea or goal in my mind, there is nothing that will stop me from accomplishing that goal. Even though, not all ideas or goals that come to my mind are the fittest; I am compelled to see them through no matter what. There are people that will support you or will fight you in your journey, and depending on the stance they take, they will influence your self-perception in a negative or positive way. In the past my ex-husband did just that, nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough. My goals were non-inspiring, my personality seemed to be chaotic, and my independence was defiant. I doubted myself many times, and even though I didn’t say it out loud, I started to believe he was right. It took me thirteen years to realize that he was negatively influencing my self-concept.
It’s been eight years since we’ve divorced and though I sometimes continue to doubt my abilities, I find myself self-reflecting and realizing my potential. New experiences and new people brought more positive experiences in my life. I remarried and found that my husband has had a positive impact on my self-concept. Even though we have different personalities and belief systems, he is able to value and respect who I am and what I believe in. One of the most beautiful and heart wrenching journey’s I have had in my life was becoming a surrogate mother.
My desire to help give life and help a family be together came from the suffering that my own family experienced with infertility. Even with so much suffering within my family, no one supported my desire to become a surrogate. I was newly married when the opportunity to help someone presented itself, my husband had never thought about being part of such a journey, all the more so with his new bride. Nevertheless, he never expressed himself with disbelief, he was kind with his words, and his behavior towards me influenced me to be true to myself. When everyone told me no and that I would be sorry, he told me he would support me and admired my selflessness to bring happiness to this family. The value he placed on what was important to me encouraged me to see my surrogate journey through.
Once I delivered the baby, and finally seeing this beautiful family come together, nothing could have prepared me for the opposing feelings inside of me, feelings of utter happiness and utter sadness due to severe post-partum depression. There were lots of tears and sobbing, though he never once said, “I told you so” like many in my family. Instead he comforted and loved me. He reminded me of what an amazing thing I did for them, as well for us having shared such a miraculous journey. All things I needed to hear over and over again to get through the first days, weeks, and months.
Self-concept can negatively affect our behaviors not only in our personal life but also in our professional careers. Having a significant other that is dependable is important for our well being, as it is for us to be that supportive platform to help other’s self-concept. Listening, being empathetic, valuing the other person and their beliefs, are all ways we can support each other have or regain a positive sense of self.
References
- The Impact of Others on our Self-Concept – National Center for Biotechnology Information
- What is Self-Concept? – Verywell Mind
- How Can Cultural Beliefs Influence My Self-Concept? – Verywell Mind
- Self Concept and Identity – Smith College
- Self Perception: The Invisible Side of You – The Self Improvement Blog
- Developing a Positive Self-Concept – Counselling Directory
- The Effect of Social Media on Self-Concept – Medium
