Reading “The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini has evoked many emotions within me that I forgot long ago. It has made me question everything we once had. It has made me question whether what we had can be considered a relationship or even a friendship. In your letter you said I was a better person than my friends, and how I represented myself. I liked the idea you presented that somehow I was kind and noble. Consequently in the end I disproved your belief confirming that I am average. With this letter I am not asking for your forgiveness, but instead acknowledging what happened many years ago, and accepting that I am partly to blame. This letter represents “a way to be good again.”
Never have I asked someone I care for to “eat dirt” (57) to prove their loyalty. Never have I hit someone in frustration. For a long time I thought that made me better than every individual that did. Except now I am uncertain. I vowed I would never let someone be harassed the way my sister was, “blood is a powerful thing” (198) and I made a promise to myself to protect those who could not defend themselves. I believe when a person defends someone else without expecting anything in return is when the true characteristics of the individual are revealed. Every day Hassan’s loyalty and courage was demonstrated when he fought for Amir, showing he was a person full of empathy and compassion.
It just took Amir a few extra years to learn what Hassan was born with. However I have not been able to live up to that promise, yet. I am still trying and will continue to for the rest of my life. For a year I was standing in a “secluded, muddy road” (75) no one around but me. I consumed the ability to stop your mistreatment, though on no occasion did I attempt too. Fear of the consequences overwhelmed me, causing me to stand paralyzed. Similarly to Amir, I also did not actively participate in the abuse; nonetheless Amir and I share the same burden of guilt. Guilt over what could have happened had we not been so gutless. It is a strange sensation to know a person has the power to stop unjust actions but at a cost. In the novel Assef says “nothing is free in this world… [everything] comes with a small price.” (77) The cost to me of you being treated with respect would have been losing my friends. At that time I was not ready to make that sacrifice.
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I felt shame over our friendship, I did not treat you as equal instead I acted as if “you [were] nothing but an ugly pet . . . [someone to include] when no one else is around.” (77) I witnessed you being forced from our school. Saw a society turned against you, how they got away with it I do not understand. There was supposed to be authority in place to protect you, however like Hassan the system failed you. Instead of being able to stand up, and do the right thing I allowed the restriction that had been placed on me to cloud my judgment and define my actions. Amir is not capable of standing up against Assef because of the fear he would disappoint Baba. I was unable to stand up to your bullies, because they were my friends. I did not understand why they seemed to have no moral conflict in treating you poorly, when inside I was fighting an ethical war. In the end the wrong side won the war and I never stood up to my friends on your behalf. From that year I have learned the negative effects friendships can put on a person’s judgment. I find myself resenting you occasionally, for if it had not been for you none of those events would have taken place. If you had not been in my life I would not have had to
choose between my friends and you. Except you were a victim and I played a bystander. You could have resented me, but you didn’t. You were forgiving, and out of your willingness to forget, we developed a friendship. Faced with a similar kind of dilemma, Amir had to make an unimaginable choice between appeasing Baba and protecting Hassan. However, his choice did not develop the friendship, but destroyed it. After the incident with Amir and Hassan, their friendship changed forever, they broke out of their childhood ignorance and faced a conflict that neither knew how to resolve. When I allowed myself to be abused when I would not normally do so, it also changed my worldview. Baba believed that “a boy who cannot stand up for himself turns into a man who cannot stand up for anything.”(24) By redeeming himself, Amir was able to finally stand up to Asef and protect Sohrab, disproving Baba’s prediction of the kind of adult Amir would become. I hope that in the past I can demonstrate the lessons I have learned from your suffering and become an adult who can support my beliefs. I will grow out of the nervous child I once.
Unlike Amir I have never asked forgiveness or redemption for the lack of my actions. The truths of the past stained my future with the blood of pomegranates. I was able to forget, move on. I have justified my lack of interference with the excuse I was young, and am now a different person. I like the illusion I have learnt from your suffering and am a stronger person because of it. That with the wisdom I have now nothing like that would ever be able to happen again. I believe you made my once empty promises whole, and am ready wash away the stains of the past.
As far as I have failed you, I have also failed myself, and for that I am sorry. I am sorry for failing to be the man I strive to be. And because of my cowardice, you were hurt. In many ways you were the first, the first person I ever truly changed, the first friend I ever really lost, and the first… I learned a lot of stuff from you. And I will always be grateful to you for what you taught me as an Amir Hassan. You showed me the true meaning of friendship and what it means to sacrifice. With the kind of enlightenment you offered me, I would have done everything “for you, a thousand times over” (2), but that is in the past. The best I can do now is to never repeat the mistakes we made in our younger days and use what we have learnt to make the world a better places for at least one person.
