There is no single way to mourn the death of a child. Parents may choose to stay together to take on the pain, while others choose to suffer separately. Grieving by oneself can go one of many ways, as seen in the dramatic poem “Home Burial” by Robert Frost, grieving eternally and seeming inconsolable, or grieving internally and seeming cold and heartless. The parents in “Home Burial” are not coping with their child’s death in the same way, and each wants something different from what the other is offering, which leads to great conflict between them and damages their marriage. Robert Frost is able to elucidate this conflict through the use of setting, situation, symbols, diction, and characterization.
Frost’s poem “Home Burial” is set in a New England farmhouse in the countryside, surrounded by hills. Line 24 of the poem hints that the house was owned by the husband’s family previously when the husband says to his wife, “The little graveyard where my people are.” The title of the book in which the poem was printed in is called “North of Boston, 1915” and in that time it was common for children to die at a very young. Additionally, in this time period -like today still-, it was expected for men to be hardened to their emotions and was uncommon for them to express what they feel.
The situation which has lead to the primary conflict is this married couple recently losing their child. This is known from line 31 when the husband talks about “the child’s mound”. The use of the word mound shows that the grave has recently been dug and filled. At the start of the poem, the couple is at opposite ends of the staircase. These stairs are symbolic for the power in the relationship because of the separation of levels. “He saw her from the bottom of the stairs” (1), the wife is at the top not knowing that her husband is at the bottom of the stairs looking at her.
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Although being at the top may seem when someone is most powerful, the power being shown is the husband seeing her before she sees him and having control of the situation and how it will pan out. As their conversation continues the husband starts walking up the staircase towards her and eventually ends up towering her while she sits on the stairs, which is when the powerfulness of being above someone comes into play.
Advancing toward her: “What is it you see
From up there always- for I want to know.”
She turned and sand upon her skirts at that,
And her face changed from terrified to dull.
He said to gain time: “What is it you see,”
Mounting until she cowered under him. (6-11)
At this moment the reader is moved to feel sympathy for the wife because of the use of the words “cowering under him”. Following this interaction, readers learn that there is a window at the top of the stairs where the couple is and that it was the window in which the wife was looking out of, “So small the window frames the whole of it” (25). “It” in line 25 refers to the graveyard in which their child is buried.
Shortly after the husband notices the view outside of the window, the wife slips under his arms and goes down the stairs heading towards the door which is at the bottom of the stairs, regaining her strength after what seemed to be a power struggle between the couple, “She withdrew shrinking from beneath his arm/That rested on the banister, and slid downstairs/ And turned on him with such a daunting look,” (33-35).
The husband does not follow his wife, who has been named “Amy” in line 41, he stays at the top of the stairs and says “Listen to me. I won’t come down the stairs,” (42), this ties in with the powerful illusion of the stairs being an indicator of their strength. It seems that the husband is unwilling to come down from the top of the stairs so that he could keep his power from above. As the conversation continues, more emotions are stirred between Amy and her husband, and at the end of the poem, the conflict was not settled but most likely left unresolved.
‘You—oh, you think the talk is all. I must go—
Somewhere out of this house. How can I make you—’
‘If—you—do!’ She was opening the door wider.
‘Where do you mean to go? First tell me that.
I’ll follow and bring you back by force. I will!—’” (116-120)
She starts opens the door and he threatens to bring her back in aims to fix their deteriorating marriage.
Frost feeds into the conflict more through the use of characterization. It is clear that Amy and her husband lack respect for each other. Line 68 reads, “You make me angry. I’ll come down to you,” this shows that the husband wanted to go to her in aims of conveying his message more aggressively and clearer but hasn’t moved because of what seems to be his fear of her bolting out the front door.
Once again through the husband’s words, it seems that the readers should feel sorry for the wife and take her side. Additionally, it seems that the husband doesn’t approve of the way that Amy was coping when he says “Don’t carry it to someone else this time” in line 60. It can be assumed that the husband wants his wife to go through this grieving process with him and not someone else. This leads to the idea that the husband wants his wife to be more consolable, more put together and to actually talk with him through the acceptance stage.
As mentioned previously, lines 119-120 read “‘Where do you mean to go? First tell me that. /I’ll follow and bring you back by force. I will!—’” and these lines show that the husband wants her to be with him so that he can help her and doesn’t want her running off anymore to get help from someone else. Additionally, he tried to make conversation with Amy, but instead of talking with her husband she does anything she can do to avoid talking about her dead child, “‘Can’t a man speak of his own child he’s lost?’/ Not you! Oh, where’s my hat? Oh, I don’t need it!’” (37-38).
Similarly to the husband wanting different responses from his wife and not getting them, Amy wants her husband to slow down and show her more emotions, which he is not capable of doing. The quote, “The little graveyard where my people are” (24) shows that the husband has dealt with death before so he may be hardened to his feelings towards death and may cope quicker since his child isn’t the first familial lost he’s been faced with. It is clear that Amy wants to see her husband express his emotions when she says but doubts he can when she says:
“Not you! Oh, where’s my hat? Oh, I don’t need it!
I must get out of here. I must get air.
I don’t know rightly whether any man can.” (38-40)
This quote proves what was previously stated about men being hardened to their feelings and not being able to express their emotions in the early 1900s. Lastly, the husband does not refer to his son directly while mourning initially:
“I can repeat the very words you were saying:
“Three foggy mornings and one rainy day
Will rot the best birch fence a man can build.”
Think of it, talk like that at such a time!
What had how long it takes a birch to rot
To do with what was in the darkened parlor?” (95-100)
As Amy reminds him what he was saying as he was digging his child’s grave it is inferred that the mention of the “best birch fence a man can build” is in reference to his dead child especially when Amy says “what was in the darkened parlor” which is most likely where the child’s corpse laid before being buried.
The primary conflict in Robert Frost’s “Home Burial” was the inability of this couple to give the other person what they need following the recent death of their young child. Frost effectively conveys this to readers through the setting, a tragic situation, strategic diction, cryptic symbols, and characterization. Although the death of a child and different coping styles won’t always lead to a hurt marriage, it is clear that this couple’s differences, inabilities to communicate and give each other what they wanted and needed following their tragic loss, caused their marriage to fail and lead to not only them burying a child but also burying their marriage.
References
- Poetry Foundation – “Home Burial” by Robert Frost
- Robert Frost Farm – “Home Burial”
- National Center for Biotechnology Information – Grieving Processes in Parents After the Death of a Child: A Review of Previous Research Studies
- National Center for Biotechnology Information – Bereavement After Child Loss: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis
- National Alliance for Grieving Children
