Finger painting was always my favorite activity in kindergarten. I had a small amount of time for peace and creativity compared to the noisy setting I was always in. It was very therapeutic as I would carefully choose the right color out of many choices. I would concentrate on the image and be precise on what details I added in order to make it perfect. The room would fall silent as if it was just me and the painting. I never realized that this specific moment would impact my life. From that moment until present time, I always had a creative spark in me. I just never recognized it enough. For every assignment given, I would be sure to make it different from the rest. I remember my mom would always guide me through the assignment making it unique in every way possible. Throughout the years, I became more interested in looking for different ways that I could express myself. At a young age, I began by drawing and painting. This wasn’t my favorite thing to do before I started school, but I eventually learned to love it.
However, things changed when I got to middle school. It was a difficult time for me, as it probably was for anyone. It was a very awkward stage where how you looked and what you did mattered. It was almost like a movie as people tried to out shine the rest. During this time, most girls my age began to wear makeup. By doing something unique, these girls got most of the attention, as expected. Although the rest of the students would not admit it, they lowered everyone else’s self-esteem, including mine. My face felt like a blank canvas compared to theirs. Eventually, the rest of the girls followed their trend and began to wear makeup as well. I did not like makeup, at first, but seeing everybody else do it, I wanted to do it too.
However, I did not have a female figure in my life that knew how to do makeup. My mom wore a minimal amount of makeup; therefore, she didn’t have much of the trendy makeup everyone else had. Because of this, I began watching YouTube videos about makeup. I was hoping that the videos would teach me. I spent hours doing this. The countless hours were only minutes as my sister and I sat on the couch. We would just watch as people transformed themselves into different people once applying their makeup. It was like magic to me at the time. I looked into my mom’s small makeup collection to find anything that I could put on in hopes of changing how I looked. Every time I did so, my mom would tell me that I was beautiful and that makeup was not necessary. Regardless, she let me apply some eyeliner. It made an insignificant change to my appearance but it meant the world to me at the time. I wore it to school every day after that. I loved the effect it had on me. It made me feel more confident even though I looked the same compared to the rest of the girls.
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After a while, due to the many years of doing my makeup, I truly forgot what I looked like without it. I had always thought that the important part of doing my makeup was to make myself look better, since I did not like the way I looked without it. It wasn’t until my sophomore year in High School that I truly found the importance of makeup. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was truly feeling inspired. I had recently gotten a new makeup palette for Christmas. However, I was always too scared to use it, as if it were permanent marker. There were multiple ideas running through my head at the same time. I began by gathering all of the makeup brushes I had and getting the palette that contained many vibrant and unique colors.
There was a bit of hesitation as the brush, dusted with a warm orange shade, was about to touch my eyelid. I put those thoughts of hesitation aside and went for it. I continued with this process. The clock continued ticking as the hours flew by. When I finished I took a step back, I looked in awe at my creation. There was a sense of satisfaction knowing that I had done something that allowed me to express myself and show my personality. I realized that it was not just a change on the outside, it was also on the inside. My views on myself and how I looked had changed. Although I was pretty good at doing this, I also liked how I looked without makeup. After many years of applying makeup, my confidence went up. I felt something therapeutic about being able to go through the whole process of doing my makeup. It took me back to being in that same kindergarten classroom twelve years ago and gave me that same peace.
Although I continued to draw and paint, I got a different experience from makeup. It helped me gain a new understanding about myself. It also made me want to one-day help others express their personalities through makeup. As well as accentuate their best features through cosmetic nursing. As a result, the experience of feeling like nothing to feeling like I’m worth something helped shape me into the person I am today.
