Table of Contents
Introduction
In psychology, trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected and you can rely on that person. When trusting someone we tend to put a blind eye and paint them in perfection that they cannot disappoint or betray us in any way. Trust initiates in the family between a child and parents and grows to other relationships (society, friendships, teachers, etc.).
According to Erik Erikson development of basic trust is the first state of psychosocial development occurring, during the first two years of life. Success results in feelings of security, trust, and optimism while failure leads to an orientation of insecurity and distrust.
Failure to develop trust at an earlier age can affect a person as they grow up in their romantic relationships. That is when distrust arises in a romantic relationship. Distrust is a complete lack of trust stemming from experience or certain knowledge. It is the confident expectation that your partner’s motives, intentions and behaviours are sinister and harmful towards your interest.
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One partner starts to develop suspicions, doubts, and you start believing that your partner does not care about your welfare. Leading to lower levels of satisfaction and commitment in one’s relationship, and more commitment in trying to make sense or understand the actions or choices made by the other person.
In some cases, distrust may manifest in a relationship when one partner breaks a promise or miss a deadline. This may infer that the person is not to be trusted because history tends to repeat itself, meaning there is a possibility that the person will never keep their promises. This may lead to miscommunication between the two, due to confounding words because unconsciously their minds interpret what you are saying as broken words that have no meaning.
Distrust can give rise to a paranoid perception-false or unrealistic thought that one is subject to malevolent treatment by others. Such perspective drive individuals to the point whereby you examine every action that the other person takes, resulting in faulty judgment about whether that person can be trusted or not.
Trust is learned, so as distrust. It is not a feeling that just comes from nowhere but rather the result of something that emerges from the experience. This is when you enter a new relationship still holding to grudges from the previous relationship.
For example, you trusted your ex-partner and the person broke that trust, and now you are in a new relationship with someone else, but you will hold onto deeming that the person will do that similar thing as your ex-partner. This leads to suspicious and hostility behaviours. ‘What if he/she does break my trust just like my ex-partner’. A person may keep back their emotions in this kind of relationship, they cannot commit or engage in problem-solving in conflict situations.
Distrust in a relationship is one of the main factors that if left unattended can deteriorate the bond between individuals and even destroy it.
Below are the few causes of distrust in a romantic relationship:
- Insecurities- one member of the relationship feels that they’re not good enough.
- Betrayal- having been betrayed in the past and have not dealt with it properly
- Family background-Coming from a home in which family members betrayed one another and there was a lot of distrust.
- Guilty conscious-Having betrayed someone and unconsciously projecting a need to be punished for it.
The list of symptoms to diagnose distrust in your relationship:
- Withdrawal- you become more reserved in sharing personal matters.
- Doubt-you start to experience a slight uncertainty about someone’s trustworthiness.
- Suspicion-unresolved doubt grows to suspicion over time. You start seeing a pattern of behaviour that may indicate a lack of trust.
- Anxiety- a feeling of apprehension or uneasiness, when you around your partner.
The Struggles
Trust issues can turn into self-sabotage. You may fear to reach out to others and cannot connect with your partner. You will always seek affection from your partner but never satisfied with what you are receiving.
Distrust may lead to self-deprivation in your relationship. You miss out on an opportunity to know your intimate partner and feeling loved.
You struggle with low self-esteem and this may make you think that you are not enough for your partner. And you hide under the mask that you think your partner like, not wanting to reveal the real you.
