From the years 2001 and 2012, over 11,766 woman living in the united states have been murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. That is almost double the amount of US troops who have died in Iraq and Afghanistan combined (Gidfar). Unfortunately, that number continues to climb as women are held captives in their own abusive relationships. This is why it is important to discuss and spread awareness of this epidemic. One example of mainstream media covering this problem is the song “Love The Way You Lie” by Eminem featuring Rihanna from his album Recovery. The song was well received by its audience and was given much recognition through the many awards it won from the Grammys and People’s Choice Awards. It is also through the music video that they accomplish the main goals of the artists, informing the audience of domestic abuse. Through it, they talk about the misconceptions surrounding domestic abuse, how most media normalized domestic violence, and the continuous cycle of this problem.
In the opening scene of the music video, we see Rihanna singing the chorus of the song in front of a burning house. It jumpcutes to another scene of a woman sitting on the ground with fire on the palms of her hands. In the next part, we see the same woman sleeping in the same bed as her significant other and sees the name “Cindy” with a phone number written on the man’s hand. This causes the woman to attack him and start a violent fight between the man and woman. While this is happening, the scenes jump back and forth from the fight to Eminem rapping in a grassy field. Several times throughout the video, the woman tries to leave but is unsuccessful because of she is afraid that her partner might hurt her further.
After Rihanna starts to sing the chorus again, they have flashbacks of the couple when they first met at the bar and other moments of when they were a “happy” couple. In the present, we see the man apologize to his girlfriend and soon they have forgiven each other, even though this does not last. Towards the end of the video, Eminem joins Rihanna in front of the burning house and the couple violently fighting again and soon the flames engulf both Eminem and the couple. In the end, we are brought back to the first scene in which the couple was peacefully sleeping. One emerging theme we see through the music video is how abusive relationships can become a cycle and the three phases that make up the cycle: tension building phase, acute battering episode, and the honeymoon phase (Domestic Violence Roundtable).
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In the music video we see the tension rise as the woman finds the phone number on his hand which starts the argument between the two. It very quickly goes out of control and into the “acute battering episode,” when she slaps the man several times, which causes the man to push the woman against the wall and punch a hole through it. The video begins to jump back and forth between the scenes of the couple violently fighting each other to then passionately kissing showing off the honeymoon phase. In the background, we hear Rihanna sing, “Just gonna stand there / and watch me burn / but that’s alright because / I like the way it hurts. “ (Eminem ft. Rihanna).
However, when connecting the scene and the lyrics together, it brings up one major misconception that most have about women in these types of relationships. In Thaller and Messing article, “(Mis)Perceptions Around Intimate Partner Violence in the Music Video and Lyrics for ‘Love the Way You Lie’” they talk about how victim blaming plays a large role in this issue. With the lyrics, it makes others believe that most women in these situations secretly enjoy being treated in this manner. The authors write, “The depiction of women as sexually aroused by dominant, controlling men is another component of the cultural mythology surrounding… the popular rape myth that women are “asking for it” (630).
This then leads people into believing that most women could easily get out of an unsafe relationship if they truly wanted to. They fail to look at the important factors that make it hard for most victims to leave. Some examples might include being financially dependent or perhaps the safety of their own lives or the ones around them. This problem is brought up in the video when Eminem raps, “If she ever tries to f***ing leave again / I’m a tie her to the bed / and set this house on fire.” Here, Eminem tells us that women who attempt to leave a abusive relationship usually face a huge increase of violence and may potentially face death. This is why it is difficult for most individuals to leave these types of situations. Having to go through physical and emotional abuse is damaging for one’s mental health. It destroys the victim’s self-esteem which makes it hard for them to start over.
This is why it is important to never blame someone who is in the abusive relationship. Although the victim might have used bad judgment by staying, it does not mean that they are asking for the abuse to be In the same scene we also stumble upon another false representation of how domestic violence play out, that having extreme emotions are normal in these types of relationships. The lyrics also seem to tell its audience that violence can be found as attractive when Eminem says, “she f***cking hates me and I love it” (Thaller and Messing 633). This is a very dangerous message to send out to their audience because it then starts to normalize the idea of domestic abuse. Having the media constantly report it in this way soon desensitizes us from this cruelty and ingrains this type of behavior in our culture as a glamorous or romantic way to treat our partner.
Continuously accepting this type of behavior suppresses many victims from coming forward and allows the perpetrators to keep thinking that what they are doing is considered fine. This is why it is important for our media to start raising awareness in order to help survivors of domestic violence instead of them continuously romanticize these unhealthy relationships. “Love the Way You Lie” is a very emotional song due to its discussion of the vicious continuous cycle of domestic abuse, misconceptions connected with it, and the normalization of these types of actions. This is why it is crucial to start analyzing and question the things we are watching. We need to ask ourselves, “What kind of message is this show or song trying to tell its audience?” This change needs to happen in order to save the lives of women who are stuck in these types of situation.
Every person deserves to feel love and safety from their partner, not live every day in fear just because it might be their last day alive. Together we are able to stop this by continuously spreading awareness and listening to the stories of the survivors. No longer should we allow mainstream media to romanticise abuse and have the cycle continue and grow in our society. Abusive behavior something we are not born with, it is something learned over time through observations in our culture and perhaps through personal experience. Therefore with hard work and effort it can be unlearned.
